Dear Aunt Sylvia,
I need your help urgently. Our third-year old son is getting seriously
addicted to his phone and laptop; all pieces of advice given to him seem to
have fallen on empty ears. It does not help that my wife is giving him the
impression that I am unnecessarily difficult, rather than making sure we speak
with one voice towards sending our concern to him and finding a solution.
Please what shall I do before the problem gets out of hand?
Yours,
Juma (Morogoro, Tanzania)
Dear Juma,
I
understand your concern. At thirteen, a young person can easily become deeply
absorbed in phones, laptops, games and social media, especially when these
compete with schoolwork. But before confronting your son, I would urge you and
your wife to settle your differences privately. He needs to see that his
parents are working together, not that one is the "strict" parent,
and the other is on his side.
Have a calm
family conversation — not a lecture. Explain that the concern is not about
taking away everything he enjoys, but about restoring a healthy balance between
school, sleep, family life, recreation and screen use. Ask him what he uses the
devices for and listen to his perspective. You may discover that some of his
activities are educational or important to his friendships.
Then agree
on clear, reasonable rules together. For example, schoolwork and other
responsibilities should come before recreational screen time; devices should be
put away during meals and at an agreed bedtime; and phones or laptops should
not be used secretly at night. Consider establishing specific daily periods for
entertainment rather than allowing unrestricted access.
Consistency
is crucial. If you and your wife agree on the rules, both of you should uphold
them. Avoid arguing about the rules in front of your son or blaming each other.
Consequences for breaking the agreement should be known beforehand, reasonable,
and applied consistently.
At the same
time, help him find attractive alternatives — sport, friends, hobbies, reading,
music or family activities. A teenager is unlikely to give up excessive screen
time simply because adults tell him to; he needs worthwhile alternatives and a
sense of responsibility for his own choices.
Most
importantly, keep communication open. Watch for signs that screen use is
affecting his sleep, school performance, relationships, mood or normal daily
activities. If those problems persist despite reasonable boundaries, consider
speaking with his teacher, school counsellor or a child-development
professional.
Juma, this
is not a battle you need to win against your son. It is a habit you need to
help him learn to manage. Firmness, consistency and a united parental approach
— combined with respect for his growing independence — will serve you much
better than constant criticism.
Yours,
Aunt Sylvia