Who is afraid of going to the prison? Not everyone is; definitely not when you have more chances of surviving in the prison than on the street. A court in Rehara, Babwezim was dumbfounded when a young convicted burglary begged the judge to send him in jail rather than set him free.
The judge who could not believe her ears had to adjourn the court to enable her clean her ears well with a bunch of stray, just to make sure the ears were not filled with mixed cement to avoid making a ‘wrong judgement.”
The alleged criminal, Morelove Kamanyi, 22, a well known “friend” to the police who could not hide his wish, carefully wrote a note to the presiding judge, begging her to jail him as long as possible rather than acquit and send him on the street.
Clearly confused, Mr Kamanyi was asked by the judge why he would rather go to the prison rather than allow her to exercise the prerogative of mercy.
“Me, in the street? Life in prison is better than life in the streets. At least I’ll be sure of a daily square meal and other goodies in the prison, no matter how little." Mr. Kamanyi explained.
The judge adjusted her glasses and moved uneasily in her chair as if she was being stung by a troublesome bee. She studied the file in front of her and glance at the alleged criminal steadily, according to Kata Kata reporter, who was present at the court.
“According to my record, you have been convicted twice of stealing and burglary; now you are back here begging me to send you to jail. Am I right? Or could I be dreaming?”
“No, Your Honour. Both your head and ears are correct and working like a brand new Samsung Galaxy S111 or even like I Pad. You are……” The alleged thief, who was accused of stealing two mobile phones, a plasma TV and $1,800 (£1,150) in cash, tried to explain.
“Order! What has a Samsung or I pad got to do with this honourable court?” The visibly irritated judge thundered. She called the head of the court security and warned him to make sure Mr Kamanyi was kept out of the vicinity of Samsung and I Pad phones for fear of sending them into exile.
But preventing the alleged criminal from coming close to the expensive telephones was not the judge’s only worries. She was more concerned with preventing more Babweanszim from committing crimes in the hope that they would be sent to their new admired homes.
According to our moles in Babwezim, ever since the Western countries imposed economic sanctions against Babwezim years ago due to its undemocratic acts and human rights abuses, the economy has deteriorated significantly. The controversial land re-distribution programme of the government, which aimed at correcting the naked injustice of the apartheid era, did little to achieve its objective. The confiscation of lands largely owned by the White farmers and re-distributing them to the poor blacks, left the lands in the hands of the poor and often less experienced black farmers, who could not produce enough food to feed the country. The result is that Babwezim, which used to be one of the most successful agricultural producing countries in Africa, was quickly turned into a barren land. The prices of food products skyrocketed to abnormal peak, coupled with uncontrollable inflation running into millions. It took the formation of government of national unity to tame the inflation and bring some degree of economic sanity to the country. The obvious question most people still ask is whether the political marriage has changed the lives of an average Babweanzim.
Kata kata’s correspondent exclusively reported that Mr Kamanyi was disappointed to be only sentenced to three years imprisonment. Angrier even, the convicted thief was informed that six months of his prison term were suspended if he would repay $1,956 by 30 September.
Clearly, the judge would have to wait till the economy of Babwezim improves significantly before Mr Kamanyi would pay a cent back. Otherwise, she should prepare to welcome a swarm of law breakers, waiting happily in the queue in front of her honourable court, begging to be sent to the newly discovered paradise – in Babwezim.
The above story is a parody. It is entirely fictitious; therefore none of the characters mentioned in the story is real.